C-H-A-N-G-E

I recently realized I'm a sucker for constancy.
I hate changes,
whether for the good or for the bad.

It's dysfunctional. Like really, I know.
The elements of uncertainty and surprise that comes with the changes are just,
suffocating and oh-so-petrifying.

I hold on too much,
and I let go too little.
Imbalance much?
I seem to take every word people say so seriously,
that when disappointment comes,
I become so..
vulnerable.

Insecurity,
they term it so.

But guess I never learn, do I?

¿Posible, no?

I woke up from the same nightmare,
twice.
The same fear,
the same tears.
I never knew it was possible.

Part of me died again,
to the same old song,
at the same old spot.
I never knew it was possible.

The heartache so consuming,
the promises so vivid.
I trusted, again.
I never knew it was possible.

The pain enduring,
lasting longer than it should.
Waking up in tears, again.
I never knew it was possible.

And I chose to love again,
through the rain,
through the darkest of days.
I never knew it was possible.

Or is it?

Misunderstood

You never said.
You thought.

You thought I would knwo how to react.
You never cared to explain.

You thought that by giving and sacrificing,
peace would be achieved.
You never cared to ask.

You thought that what I did was to accuse,
You never bothered finding out.

You thought that I was all that you said,
You never tried to understand.

Back to square one

You said to wait till you get back.
I kept my hopes up high.

Restless, yet hope ignites.
The thought tat we might be able to talk this over.

and then i forgot.
How cud i stupidly miss,
the big huge wall that stands between our feet.

I tried calling out,
I did.
But then again,
I cudn't reach.

I dun wanna leave

It's not the same.
It can't be.

I'm trying to drill this in my mind.

Despite the exact same loneliness, the dread, the feeling of despair.
I refuse to acknowledge the similarities,
for I know,
this is different.

why do I see myself at the top of a spiral staircase then?
What if this is only the beginning of the end?

The distance.
The miscommunication.
The little cracks.

The heartache that follows suit.
The sleepless nights.
The tearless cries when you know no one would care.

All so familiar, yet I can do nothing.

Im on a road called doubt,
and now i realized how I have stupidly depend on you,
too much.
As needy as before,
as demanding as ever.

How do i get back on track before its too late?

Helado

I see the trail I left behind.
I see how it has lost it precious moments.
What is eluded from me,
is the reason that lies between,
and the road that lies ahead.

The source of confusion is self-inflicted, they say.
If the choice was clear,
why still do words and stories hurt me like no other?

Its a circle, a mean cycle.

I wanna get off.

Estoy muy triste.

Easy.
Straightforward.

Por que?

Something's misplaced.
Not lost.
Yet it had not return.

Mi mejor amiga esta lejos de mi.
Muchos lejos.

The metaphorical distance.
It kills.

Helado.
Haha.

The little initials

Hola readers!
Had a happy Chinese New Year?

Time for updates, I know.
But my mind is blank.

Except for maybe this.

I miss you.
I miss talking to you.

Well, I guess we dun talk tat much.
But I miss how I know you were there even though when we are not talking to each other.
There, I think that explains it best.

Guess the time isn't right, or is it?

Still, time has it. :)