Cluster Buster

I hate it when I cannot identify my own feelings.
It's the worse type,
when emotions become unidentified.

A cluster.
I call them the bundle.
Tied up in different emotions,
without any being the superior.
Shit happens.
And when you cannot comprehend,
it's gonna bother you forever.

I'm sorry.
Perhaps it wasn't me to blame,
but I play a role.

I feel guilty,
I feel annoyed at myself,
I feel stupid,
I feel happy I was there to help,
I feel angry cos it was my problem to start with,
I feel frustrated,
I feel bad,
I feel comforted that I did not panic,
I feel annoyed again for being bothered by it.

And now it ends.
With a sleepless night.

p/s: Can someone stop the banging sound that is replaying non-stop?

ouch

Tell me what can I do to make this feeling go away?
To stop and stay,
To make your tiredness go away.

The single syllable, you make my heart feel.
It's more than just a lil,
I wanna hug you so you could feel.

Sigh.

I am Incompetent,
For i fear i add to your burden.

Grateful for being able to stay by your side.
At times like this,
I treasure every moment throughout this night.

What would life be?
If it wasn't for this exact day, 3 months back?

ILY. <3

contiguous confrontation

Thank you for taking the first step.
We were never the confrontative type,
and I know how much this must have bothered you.

Thankful for your presence,
and for this I stand on par with you.
For He must have his own reason.
and I believe this applies to you.

You were the fairytale of my harsh world,
your perkiness balancing my negativism.
Try as i might,
you know my intention.
It was more a protective than a selfish act,
I really hope you can comprehend.

Shoot, we were never the mushy type.
Somehow, now we know why.
The wall was thick, we chose not to see,
but now that it's down,
I'm just relieved.

So idiot,
you know I love you too.
It's not gonna be easy,
but you know I'll try me best.
I know we're different,
that somehow we dun see eye to eye.
But perhaps this happens for a reason,
it's time to stop the lie.

Sorry.
Thank you.
You're always be my one and only idiot.

Toppling totem

What's your totem?


The spinning top.
The reality check.
Are we there yet?

Wean me off your warm embrace!
Stop making my heart race.

It gasps for breath,
Without you it is a wrath.

Are you my totem?
Telling me,
how beautiful reality can be?

Or are you a dream?
Incepted, yet not quite mine to be?

and we fall back into the arms of grace

It cud have been hard.
But you made it simple.
Complicated at first,
but you brought colors.

and then we had more of others.
A little here,
a little there.
Suffocating sometimes,
but then we know who really matters.


And so,
we took a leap of faith.
If we fall, we might just go ablaze.
Yet it's a risk,
I have to take,
ascertain that this is a sign of grace.

Runaway. Weee~

Blogging at this hour can only mean two things:
1. I'm suffering from another insomnia attack
2. I'm using my blog as an escape route from assignments and/or examinations

Considering the hectic week I'm expecting,
it's definitely a Number 2.

*takes a long sigh*

I know.
It's been a long time since I blogged in human language.
But then again,
well..

The dreaded day hath passed.
I was the fool, no surprise there.
But glad things came to an end.

It's stupid when I insist to blog when I have just squeezed my mind of all possible creativity for journal assignment.

This is when sucky blogposts like this one appears.

Arrgh.

Back to reality, it seems.



Random: I miss my loonngg hair with red highlights. =(

bmun.numb

They call it drama.
I just want it to stop.

To a point where the brain ceases to function.
where the heart forgoes all emotions.

I stopped.
Thinking, feeling, seeing.
The luxury of senses.
The mechanism of defenses.
I,
am my own biggest enemy.

To point the gun to where it matters.
The temple, the throat, the brain?
I chose the heart.
Painful.

I'm dying a slow death.

Life goes on

I have to quote you.
Life goes on.

For you and for me.
We now are separate entities.

Once an item,
once we see,
the very same kind of scenery.

and now we know.
how different life cud be.

without you.
without me.

if this is what you seek,
if this is you I see.
let it be,
let it be.

no complaints.
residual, it has to be.
but time will know,
for wounds would seal.
and then,
we will wake up,
and find that days has passed,

to feel,
that nothing touches how the past wud have.

life goes on.

Illusory existence

I am an entity.
An existence.
But do you see me?

I am in touch with humanity.
Yet, i remember not my human side.
For I've been an entity too long,
it left me.

Perhaps none was the beginning.
And thus nothingness is the end.
Perhaps sorrow was the foundation.
and hence it should now end.

Detached,
I see how life is.
A blur of images,
of greed and desires,
of selfishness and hurt.

Love.
another illusory existence.

You were my world.
My one and only.
You were my everything.

You.
Are my past.

You.
The source of pain, of tears, of a hatred I've never known.

I see the pain.
I see the road less traveled.
I see how it should be.
I see not how it would end.

I look.
I seem to see.
I deem to feel.
I yearn to leave.

To depart.
To ignore.
To forget.

Yet,
I simply am not here.