.. and I know it.
Two blog posts per week is harder than I thought! (Excuses!)
Primarily because ,
1. I'm busy. Like duh, graduate student ma.. *innocent face*
2. My life is not very interesting here. Unless you want to read my readings. Or journals.
Which is exactly my genius idea.
A journal is like a diary right?
And blogging is something like a virtual diary right?
And I write at least one journal every week, right?
So.. You're very welcome.
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The Full Catastrophe
Here we go
again, the start of a new semester, a fresh journey, dwindling on the seemingly
same subjects but discovering new things at every nook and turn. I started out
with an immense amount of gung-ho-ness, ready to take on the semester, however
hectic it may be. And then the list of readings came, may it be book chapters
or journals. It was terrifying, to say the least. But surprisingly, I realize
it wasn’t as bad as it seems, and shockingly, I actually enjoyed reading some
of these!
My two current
favorites are Yalom and Kabat-Zinn. The one thing I
truly loved about Kabat-Zinn’s book was the use of simple, everyday happenings
that were relatable to almost everyone. In regards to meditation, I loved how
he used the simple analogy of eating, and how we can only do it for ourselves,
to fully depict the act of meditating. The message was simple, that no one can
help us but ourselves.
As for Yalom, I
love his wistful insight on psychotherapy and his experience in this field is
just overwhelming (in addition to the book having short chapters!). Yalom talks
about being genuine to the patient, to openly admit errors, to show them how
influential they may be, and to freely state what they mean to you. As ideal as
this sounds, as helpful this may be in fostering a satisfactory
therapist-patient relationship, I am left baffling over how do I really do all
this without stepping over the professional line. Yalom provides a beautiful perceptiveness
into what he thinks and consequently does in instances of his past therapy
sessions, yet I find it disconcerting that he does not go on to elaborate. So
what happens after admitting your errors and mistakes to the patient? How is it
that we can state we are similarly confused when we are expected to be the
therapist, the professional in the relationship? If we take each and every
patient to heart, how do we ultimately separate the person from the profession?
With all these
questions in mind, I was worried. I searched for the answers but found none
satisfactory, and I was somehow.. disturbed. The fear of being permanently changed
or consumed by the responsibilities and job of a therapist arose. In other
words, do therapists have a life other than being a therapist? Being mindful of
my inner turmoil, I decided to venture inwards.
I believe one of
the main reasons to this underlying fear is a personal encounter with a
dedicated church-based counselor, my aunt. Her profession of counseling
troubled teenagers has brought on changes, subtle yet prominent. Contradictory
it may seem, but these changes were nothing out of ordinary. She was still the
kind and the loving aunt, yet something beneath has obviously taken a turn. My
best attempt at describing the “change” would be that she was constantly
exposed to a stream of negative energy, and somehow it had all balled up and
formed a wall around her. She was there, somewhere, but was also hidden;
beneath the stresses of life, not only her own but also those of her patients.
One was not able to pinpoint the exact changes, yet no one in the family could
deny its obvious existence. Has her patients changed her? Has she taken it too
seriously into her that all the negativity from conducting therapy sessions
lurked within?
I hated changes;
I am one who relishes in stability and certainty. Yet, I am glad I was able to
put my meager knowledge of mindfulness to practice, and took the time to truly
look into my fear and somewhat judgmental thoughts I have regarding this issue.
Almost instantly, I noted, changes, in itself, is inevitable. One might put the
blame on her profession as a counselor, but ultimately as human beings, our
experience shapes who we are today, and I believe it is the same for each and
every one out there, regardless of his or her profession. Simply put, people
change, and it is not the change that matters, but how we respond (not react!) to
the change that will truly affect us.
It is scary
somehow, to think about the amount of “greatness” one would expect of a
clinician or a psychologist. How is it that we, human beings no different from
the patients themselves, are able to transcend beyond all the wants and needs
of the complicated human life, and be able to help others while struggling to
find our true self? Perhaps, this is what we are all ultimately searching for
on this journey of education; it is definitely more than just skills and
knowledge, it is about realizing who we are and what we are capable of, and
eventually how we can play our part in giving back to the society and those in
need.
I take to heart
the saying, “An unexamined life is not worth living”. Let this busy (and crazy)
semester be another fruitful expedition of learning, of ourselves and of our
abilities. Let it be as well a journey worth surveying, a story worth telling
and ultimately (hopefully), leading us to a life worth living. With all these
in my pocket, I think I am now even more prepared and equipped to take on the
“full catastrophe” of the semester. Let’s do this!
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I'm betting most of you just scanned through without reading.
And that's perfectly understandable.
But for those of you who did, I hope it helped you think of some of your inner fears, and ultimately your journey in life.
I know its March but I think its never too late.
To a fabulous year ahead!
