It Takes More Than Breakfast

A whole morning spent here.
as well as a hearty delicious breakfast.

yet something is not right.
the smiles on our face weren't entirely genuine, yet, i hope.

it seems like a really really nice vacation,

where we get to check in to a luxurious resort.

Beautiful, yet not mine.

as if we wud jus wake up n say:

hey, let's go home now!

it takes more time than expected.

twas teary at last.

the whole moving thing took its toll on me n sis last nite.

we tried to grab hold of everything,

to make a firmer grip on places n things that are only memories now.

dun get me wrong.

i'm still happy n excited with this new house.

i guess i jus need a long time to really settle in.

on the bright side,

took some pictures of breakfast.

prepared by none other than Grand Chef Carmen,

with the help of her lovely siblings.

having the cousins over tonight,

shud be fun.

Happy New Year everyone~

My Goodbyes

While everyone's busy saying goodbye to 2008,
I will be busy saying goodbyes to 2008 AND my old house.
Bye bye now!
I'm not as teary as i imagined i would be.
its just tat tingling feeling of a lil sadness in my heart,
jus a lil.
i wud miss everything here.
Everything.
yea,
i'm oni moving to somewhere near,
practically 5 mins away,
the neighbourhood will still be almost the same,
but yet,
its really really different.

forgive me for being lil mis old-lady,
but it is really my last nite sitting here blogging.
i won't miss here tat much as i can still come here if i want to,
but i reli hope i can get used to the new environment.
not physically, just mentally,
if u know wat i min. ~

i'm moving in at 9 sharp 2morrow.
suppose 2 be the auspicious time according to Chinese Feng Shui.

Welcoming the new year..
In the new house~
Great beginning?
You bet! XD

Its Official

Its official.
I'm moving.
Like for really really real.
neer have i thrown so many stuff in my life.
got pics of stuff that i threw tho,
jus for memory purposes.

super duper tired.
wil update soon?
nitez~

Christmas 2008

one of my fav times of the year.
got to celebrate it with a bunch of frens this year.
well spent, eventful n kinda tired.
*wink*
but twas nice. really. i enjoyed alot.
aunty lynn called this morning from sabah to wish me Merry Christmas.
wasn't really awake but i heard clearly wat she said.
"do not forget the real meaning of Christmas, darling"
yea..
tat kinda woke me up..

aunty cici called from Japan too..
but too bad i did not manage to answer her calls.
sorry .. but merry chrismas to u too..
i miss u ..

n to my dear one,
thank u so much.
not for wat u have given me but wat u have done for me.
i appreciate yr effort soooo much.
i love it very much,
n i hope u like mine too.

to my dear puk,
i hope u like the lil cow,
n i do hope u find happines tat shud be yours.
to my dear yaya,
u weren't on my shopping list but i cudn't help buying tat duck for u.
thank u 4 being ter,
as well as helping *arhem* with the pressie.
love u so much.
to my dear jojo,
glad tat u found the one tat i think is very much suitable for u.
tho yr prssie is still with me,
i hope it brings u my blessing n wishes tat u wud be happy always.

Happy (belated) Birthday Jesus!^^

Yes or No

YES or NO are two buttons in life that make living easier. yes, they may be the two extremes, n rite, u may have the worst headache producing the right word for a choice or dilemma, but the roads leading to yr destined answer are paved n thus though u may fall, u r still on solid ground.

imagine a world without these two diverging words. when everything stays in a way of blurry decision n when it is no longer important to know. u swim throught the grey area seeking for a definite answer, and yet u come to a conclusion that neither will satisfy yr unsolved mysteries. U know it is a NO, yet it won't go. U cannot make a fuss abt it since it wasn't a YES, n so u stayed n stick through the pain.

it no longer matters. because the poison has comfotably nested itself in within. pop a pill of faith n love, n perhaps drink a cup of time, for there is no other remedy tat wud heal this permanent wound. a strike of amnesia wud be much appreciated, but every fall makes me stronger, n i will be back n the right track. Just gimme some time. Tat's all i'm asking for.

Christmas Mood

season of gatherings.
to me, u have to feel belonged to be able to want to go for it.
get it?
i know we shud treasure times like these,
especially when we have really passionate ppl in our class who wud organize such things,
but if u dun feel like it,
why force yrself?
a phrase from a book i read in my early teens,
"Being a Happy Teenager"
has nailed a verse into my mind:
Continue being sad if that makes u happy.
yea,
so why the guilty feeling?
geez.

okay.
i kinda ,juz teeny bit of me kinda,
wanna go.
guess it wud be fun.
but from wat i heard from babe yaya 2day,
my predictions were utterly accurate.
*sigh*
guess most of us are just not trying hard enough.

but seriously,
why now?
u see gatherings everywhere.
why the hurry ppl?
i'm in a grumpy state i guess.
hahaz.

anywayz,
back to the festive mood.
i'm officially done with my Christmas shopping!
Yay!!
something to be happy about.
(let's just temporarily forget abt the hole in my pocket..or wallet..or piggy bank..or bank..)
erhem!
went to get the last gift on my list,
the one for my precious darling.
well,
i bought wat i intended to,
but yet i completed my trip with two more presents.
kinda unexpected actually.
one for the best fren from high school n another for the best fren in uni.
guess i'm really done now.

guys,
hope u like wat i gave u,
altho u r not suppose to open it yet. XD
if u dun like it,
dun bother telling me.
just tel me u like it just as much,
deal?
love ya~

熟悉

今天要说的熟悉，有两种。
熟悉了现在这种怀念的感觉，
也怀念着那种熟悉的感觉。
有些复杂吗？
听起来有些像回文。
哈哈，叶老师，
我的修辞可还没还给你，
该庆幸吧？

整理照片用了我整天的百分之四十的时间。
对着电脑，原来还真的会累。
真的不明白那些可以一整天，
对着电脑玩游戏的人。
尤其是那些种花钓鱼似的！
哈哈。。摆明在说你啦！

时间总是出卖回忆，
看回照片中的我们，
心情复杂得无法形容。
怀念是必然，
但并不是单纯想要回到过去。
也许心智慢慢成熟，
明白过去也都已经成定局。
选择往前走，
人生顿时变得更有色彩。

你看，
有feel的时候，写出来的东西总有些不同吧？
嘿嘿。。
晚安咯。

Rant Along

its one of the days.
rain drops drizzling.
moody, sad , heartbroken.
just bathing myself in self-pity.
har har.
drama queen has her quiet time u know.

it is one of those days where i sit down n think. why m i such a failure at times?
yea. why do she has this when i dun?
why does he does tat when i can't?
where r my frens? or rather, who r my frens?
geez.
the wilderness of the straying mind.
i'm sad. n confused. n hurt in a way.
i know some things may not be the way it seems,
but yet its hard to just shake away the unhappy feeling.

yea.
mayb i m just being selfish. not to mention immature as well.
but seriously,
i m oni human.

wishing all da best for u my fren.
we were once tat close, but yet now so far.
yr huge strides has left me to pant behind.
n try as i might, my quickened pace has yet to catch up wit u .
i see our future roads in divergence, n sometimes i do feel like weeping.
memories bring me closer to yr presence,
but the present is falling apart.

i miss u.
so much.

Life Wasn't the Same Anymore

It was scheduled to start at 9 am.
u may think we are crazy,
but once u have experienced it,
life wud never be the same again.
i'm talking abt Jusco member's day.
the only word to describe it wud be: C-R-A-Z-Y!

yea. n i'm one of the "crazy" crowd.
we were clever (n crazy) enuf to reach there by 0730.
we tot we were the oni kiasu ones, but lo n behold!
the parking spaces were already half full.
a crowd was forming at the main entrance,
n the number of cars coming in were alarming.
hey ppl, we are talking abt 730 in the morning!

but we were far too lazy to be standing at the main entrance,
so off we go according to our plan:
to have breakfast somewhere nearby.
3 pairs of sisters.
me n my sis.
my mum n my aunt.
as well as both my cousins.
age: ranging from the forties to ten n below.
no surprise here.
mamak stalls nearby were overcrowded as well.
aahhh..
the power of member's day..

by the time we made our way back. it has alredy started.
doors opened by 830.
well, ter goes our another plan to get one of the earlybird prizes.
hahaz.
we splitted ourselves into 3groups,
n so the journey begins........................

twas crazy. but really worth it.
n trust me.
life really wasn't the same anymore.
^^

December Babies

happy birthday my dearests.

thanks for being the most annoying n pestering siblings.
u guys excel in being the most lovable hateful person.

i love u two soo much!
happy officially 13 n 16.

busy day ahead 2morrow.
dun worry. i'll make 2moro's bbq party a super unforgetable one!

Love u ~

Twisted Neck

I could almost roll myself into a ball n die of stupidity.
i wud have kicked myself if i cud manage.
*sigh*
woke up with a twisted neck. was sooooo stupid. how cud anyone sleep n twiste their neck all at the same time. maybe sumone hit me. yea. tats a nicer tot. at least i dun feel tat stupid. haha.

immobilized in many ways. never knew the neck was tat important. i min, i knew it was important, but not in the way tat .. Arrgh! forget it! i'm bragging about a stupid twisted neck.
mayb i will have 2 skip class tomorrow night. n no more headstands for at least a week. even lifting my right hand hurts. small lil yelps of self pity cud be heard throughout the day. hahaz. i pity my sister actually.

the neck has it.
but other than tat, nuthin much has changed. missing someone? check. still fat? check. Untidy room? check. busy cleaning? check. n of cos: twisted neck? check.

Downright Selfish

Dun try to awe the world with yr outstanding flowery language.
it is just n only ENGLISH.
if u have noticed.
n yea.
i kinda look up to u. in many ways.
u're succesful, attractive n smart.
wat else cud any gal ask for?

but dun u think u're just a tad bit too self-centered?
n not to mention arrogant n downright selfish.
hmm.
maybe we have seriously diverging opinions on basic rules of r'ships.
shoot.
i dunno y u influence me tat much.
but u're really getting me pissed off.
in the middle of the night.
grrrrrrr.

Off to Penang

wud be off to penang in the early morning.
looking forward to my favourite "toy".
little timmy.
*evil laugh*

yippee.
looking forward actually.
hope i dun lose control n stuff myself with too much ever-tasty food of penang.
have to limit myself.
hehez.

lil cousin britney is not goin.
she's oni eight yet she's tough like hell.
wanted to take a flight to penang instead of our car!!
n when her mother did not give in,
she refused to go.
no tantrum shown.
no tears or sadness.
mere toughness n stubborness.
she rather stay at home than give in to her mum.
cudn't imagine.
n i think its really scary tat she's acting this way.
i min,
she's oni eight!!

*sigh*

Hateful Copy Cats

it's annoying.
to have someone using yr pics illegally.
mayb i was wrong to ignore in the 1st place.
but wat cud i have done anyway?
it wud have been idiotic to go thrashing someone on9.
getting cooked up for the stupidest reasons.
n yea.
its just plain stupid.
seriously.

i tot twas quite weird tat u wud have impersonated me in d 1st place.
whoever u r.
weird.
but i have the feeling tat it is someone i know.
geez.
seriously have to migrate from friendster to facebook.

i ignored.
n i tot tat was really generous of me.
but no.
u wanted my full attention.
having the cheek to send me a hate mail.
accusing me of misusing YOUR pictures.
my goodness!
wat's wrong with u ?!

走了

我找不到，
失去了。
得不到平衡，
摔得很痛。
疼了，
累了，
我们都不走了。
路没了，
梦碎了，
我们放弃了。

魔鬼不在，
她崩溃了。
旧病复发，
无法控制。

失去的全部，
一点都不想再记起。
选择忘记，
逃避。



宁愿从来都没有你。



救命。

My Hols So Far

no updates.
i've been reallly lazy.
still swirling in the happiness of my hk trip.
twas awesome.
n it really benefited us.
*wink*
not to mention unforgettable.
it leaves me dreaming of another holiday.
another far-off (a lil impossible) vacation.
japan perhaps?
hahaz.
all things are possible u know.

unlike many others,
i tak sanggup bawa my pathetic ass to work.
so yea,
i'm wat u wud cal a "leong dei gun" (in canton).
but unsurprisingly,
24 hrs is still not enuf.
hey,
i'm an emotional person u know.
n lying around the hse all day doesn't min i'm lazy,
it just merely relects my desire to experience every lil corner of my wonderful hse of 18 yrs,
to give in to "nostalgia" once in a while,
n to reaffirm memories of where i grew up.^^

hmm..
things come and go..
n sadly..
memories do fade..
throughtout the process of packing up my old stuff,
i was flooded with all kinds of emotions.
small things tat brought back vague memories.
other things tat reminded me of the good old times.
time flies,
it really does.

wat the..

i seriously dun get u.
i'm really pissed off, seriously.
u're not a small kid anymore,
n i m not obliged to make u happy.
for goodness sake!

so wat if u're my younger sister?
putting the blame on me for no apparent reason is juz too much.
n even if u really want to do tat,
at least come out with a valid reason.
thank you.

Rainbow

say bye bye to exams..
*grin*
happy happy days ahead.

i hate the weather.
nuthin else but rain, rain and more rain.
it's chilly,
it's moody,
it's just.. unhappy.

but,
a rainbow.
i saw it hanging in the sky.
literally in front of me.
had the urge to stop my car ,
right in the middle of a busy highway.
oops.


it reminds me of an advice i often hear.
perseverance.
to encounter happiness,
u must first experience sadness.
in order to see the light,
u must first know wat is darkness.
i was negative towards the weather,
grumbling abt how it spoiled the day.
yet i neglected tat,
evrything happens for a reason.
and there is two sides for every lil thing.

yep.
the rainbow had the cheek to remind me of how lucky i am.

Fear

it was a sudden rush of fear.
visioning something tat is a lil impossible.
the devil's work.
and tats why trusting in Him is important.
to leave all yr anxieties n fear to the One n Only.
to put yr uncertainties n ambiguities in His Hands.
to obtain peace n calmness tru praying.
I m thankful for Yr presence in my life.
Hear my doubts n bless him Lord.
Put Yr arms around this child of yrs.


Amen

Korean Drama

let us just love each other.
let us not be afraid to be childish,
or sorry,
or heart broken.

I'm Sorry

i'm really sorry papa.
sorry for the lies,
and the irresponsibly bad time management.
i have not fogotten yr teachings,
nor forsake the values u instiled.
its just ..
i'm sorry.

thank u 4 waiting up.
i know u're really worried.
and thank u 4 yr trust,
i m trying n will continue to change.
improvement will be a matter of time.
(or so i hope)

praying hard that u wil understand
the importance of punctuality.
i love u but this bad habit has to stop.
we will work it out 2gather k?
pray hard~

So Unfair

Life's just unfair.
similarities outdo differences.
yet we are so diferent in so many ways.
especially those tat really matters.
those tat i crave for.
she's living a life i really really wish for.

nope.
i'm not a procrastinator,
nor am a big complainer.
dun get me wrong,
i'm contented,
in many ways.
grateful,
in even more ways.

yet,
ter is alwiz a time when i can't help but sit n think:
y is life so unfair?

Shopping

Retail therapy definitely works for me.
wat else is better than indulging in buying cheap beautiful clothes,
or to-die-for shoes?!
gasp!
i'm now a proud owner of 6 new shoes!
can u imagine?
SIX NEW SHOES!
i'm not tat scary, really.
i dun splurge on expensive stuff,
i just enjoy the process of buying.
tats all.
really, frankly.

but it helped me forget.
it made me happier today.
went shopping with mum n aunt n sis.
n of cos the pesky lil monkeys.
they were pestering us 2 go home.
as usual.
tat didn't damper my shopping spirit though.
managed to make it a "very fruitful" trip.
*grin*

so why not?
i hate fighting over small little things.
but yet we seem to do so often.
even when we are hundreds of miles apart.
i hate feeling happy,
but then deflated right after,
as if all the happiness is slipping away.
through a hole my dear.
a hole left behind everytime we fight.

i hate it.

Lao Ma: RIP

yep.
it was kinda shocking.
to go shopping one day n to hear tat yr seriously ill great grandmother had just passed away.
crossover.
emigrated.
wateva u cal it.

the tests n challenges He wants us to face,
as a family.
united we must stand.
she was a great servant of God,
and we were actually quite relieved tat He had finally called her home.
she was suffering.
n to think tat she might be having a good cup of tea with my grandfather now.
geez..
i'm positive they're happier now.
right?

death causes nausea in me.
not the stench but merely the tot of it.
i cudn't explain.
i m not afraid of death in particular,
nor worried abt my own death.
it's juz tat the tot of seeing sum1 lying in a wooden box makes me nauseatic.

*sigh*
i dun understand myself.
yea.
i'm plain weird.

Happy Birthday Chian!

celebrated chian's birthday 2day..
she was surprised..
n happy too..
or at least i hope she is.. ^^
Happy Big Two-O my dear!!

it's almost full moon..
my other "time-of-the-month"..
i'm sad.
no particular reason.
just sad.
i wonder helplessly,
y must God create unhappiness.
yea..
i know the theoretical answers,
a thousand and one debates over this question.
but seriously, WHY?

Spooky Spooky

i have alwiz enjoyed ghost stories..
to hear abt the paranormal,
or personal experience of strange encounters..
but, i think the important question here,
is whether i believe in what my ear is taking in?

allow me to elaborate.
as like yin and yang, male n female,
i believe there is a opposition to everything.
When there is black, there wud be white,
and when there is good,
evil follows suit.
i wud prefer to desbribe these "ghosts" as a negative force.
i adhere to the explanation tat they exist,
but not necesarily visible to all of us.

personally,
i dun think tat science can explain it all.
let's just face it tat science itself has its boundaries,
just as:
how is it able to explain the presence of God?
(the irony comes in)
but, as a psych student speaking,
i wud still have to emphasis on the fact tat the human mind can play tricks.
things tat may seem abnormal to us may be easily explained in another culture.

i'm tempted to have a lil debate with my scientific self..
but oh wells..
CARMEN IS STILL WORKING AT MATTA FAIR!
so..
it is definitely not the ryte time to talk 2 myself yet.
*sigh*
stupid freezing PWTC!...

Morning Freeze

Its freezing..
And there's 10 more hours to go..
I'll so be "free-ze-ted" by then..
Free to go..
yet frozen to the spot..

Ahh..
The irony of this realistic world..

The Official Ceremony

This is stupid..
really stupid..
and i feel stupid too..
for announcing tat:
I FINALLY HAVE A BLOG!

ok..
dun wanna get too cooked up here..
its not ma 1st blog anyway..
seriously..
its just my first english blog..
a-ha! see the difference?
at least i'm not a blogging idiot..
i'm not a blogging virgin k ?
obscene language..
juz the thing tat wud provoke jo 2 gimme tat dirty look..
who cares?
i'm still in a good mood..


p/s: its the most unsuitable time of the century to start a blog now..
like DUH! i'm suppose to smile n get customers to buy my tour packages!
awwww.. but again.. who cares? *sigh*
the working days of MATTA Fair~